Looking at the outpour of productive work it is difficult if not impossible to believe that I do try and do work. I start; I open word documents, I write titles and ponder upon content, at times I even litter my bed with various research I have collected.
However after all of this my mind filters out all thoughts and starts to create distractions in the environment I find myself in. These distractions can be anything, anything at all.
So why am I so easily distracted from work; with my recent proclamations it could be thought that I do not like the work; in the case of 2000 word essays then that may be true, but I enjoy writing, I love it. Yet I am struggling to keep writing even this blog entry, and for no reason other than I don’t have the mental capacity to care whether it is completed.
Perhaps because I see no point in my life direction I cannot grasp the point of why I should complete academic work, and at university whatever you do seems to be connected, even in your spare time.
I used to be able to write loads and still be fine, it seemed almost easy and second nature, but after my writing style was criticised as being lame, incorrect and worthless (these are the words my mind tell me, I have repressed the actual detailed memory) by a lecturer I have lost the love and the motivation to continue.
Although I decided to review a DVD last week and I managed to write 450 words in almost half an hour, and I could have easily continued but has already exceeded the word count and had to cut down somehow. That piece was commissioned by the university newspaper Flex and so I still had a deadline, and was not entirely my own desires to do it. But I wrote this review as soon as I was asked, a week before deadline; utterly unthinkable for any other work I have been asked all academic year.
Our class was recently asked to complete a learning styles questionnaire and I found myself categorised as a Reflector learner; I.E. I look back and review work done. This is someone who looks back on created pieces and applies critical, objective and to an extent subjective thoughts to it, as well as enjoys the creativity of poetry, novel and lyrical writing.
Yes, this sounds like me. Almost.
A reflector seems custom built to be able to write essays with ease, yet I struggle to do it. It could be that for the academic pieces that I have encountered thus far are things I have under-researched and am unprepared for. As a university student I really should just read, but again having the motivation to stick at it. Most books we have been asked to read are so lacklustre it is less than preferable t read any. I have actually found two that read quite well and amused me on just a couple pages: “The Tipping Point” by Malcolm Gladwell, and “The New Rules of Marketing and PR” by David Meerman Scott, but I just can’t seem to continue them. The Tipping Point enlightened me and I enjoyed every word but it sits upon my shelf collecting dust with a bookmark only 6 chapters in. There is a mental blockage that I need to sort out before I can move on.
Unfortunately, time is not sympathetic when it comes to motivation, and life is moving on without me being ready. I hope I can mature in time to pass my degree with a good grade.
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